Pranks and Prejudice
by Aneee
Summary: The Marauders are trying to make a radioshow at Hogwarts, and leave a final mark in the minds of the younger students, as they are finishing their seventh year.
1. Chapter 1: Introductions and Egos

**A/N: Well, this is not a proper A/N since I did not write the story, but I figured it was easier this way. My friend, Peder, wrote this and I got permission to post it here, YEEY. All rights to J.K. Rowling, and her brilliant books.**

**Peders says: The story is written like a conversation between the Maruders. The starting idea was a book, based on their fictional pranks, but it developed into this: A broadcasting where the Marduers discuss their pranks with one another, and teach the listener how to make their own great pranks. This is my first, and maybe only, attempt at writing a fanfic. I really hope you'll enjoy it!  
Also, a big thanks to a friend of mine, for helping me out! Thank you Ane! She can be fun. Sometimes...**

P=Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew  
S=Sirius "Padfoot" Black  
J=James "Prongs" Potter  
R=Remus "Moony" Lupin

**Chapter 1: Introductions and Egos**

*Static *

S: As the king of pranks, I shall begin this Broadcasting of Pranks and Enjoyable Ways of Disturbance!  
J: Hah!  
R: Could you just... relax for once Padfoot? For the sake of the listeners  
P: Go Padfoot!  
J: Shut up Wormtail! Don't encourage him!  
P: Sorry Prongs...  
S: Forget him Wormtail! You seem like the only one here that knows a genius when you see one!  
R: *Sighs *  
J: What? Am I, the amazing, super-funny-fantastic-stunning-over-all-the-greatest-guy-in-the-world, being replaced as your best friend? By Wormtail?  
S: Yes James. When you can't even recognize me as the one and only King of Pranks, then you will be replaced. By Wormtail.  
P: Really?  
J: I PRASIE THEE, KING OF PRANKS, SIRIUS BLACK!  
S: Oh all right... I'll take you back as my best friend.  
J: Yes! James: 10, Peter: 0! Hehehe!  
R: Please get a move on! If you are going to introduce us all before this god damn broadcasting is over!  
S: Moony? Are you swearing?  
R: Padfoot... Start. Now.  
S: Eeeh, great idea Moony! Ahem. Where were I? Oh, right. I! The King of Pranks, and my fellow Companions Of Pranks, will teach you how to pull the best, the nastiest, the most horrifying-  
J: Yeah we get it.  
S: and utterly incredible-

R: By Merlins beard, get over with it...  
S: super-thrilling-  
J: Even Wormtail thinks this is too much Padfoot...  
S: most fantastic pranks at your school!

R: Finally...  
S: For starters, our group of prankers consist of me, the King of Pranks, Sirius Black-  
R: Here he goes again...  
S: My dear friend, James Potter,  
J: Aw, Padfoot!  
S: My NOT so dear friend Remus Lupin,  
R: Bastard...  
S: Just kidding Moony! You know I love you too!  
R: ...  
S: And Peter Pettigrew!  
P: Hey guys.

S: In this first part-  
R: Let someone else say something too Padfoot!  
S: Why so aggressive, Moony? Got your period again?  
R: Shut up Padfoot!  
S: Fine... Go on then Moony! Take the lead!  
R: Fine! In this first part of the Great Broadcastings of Pranks and Enjoyable Ways of Disturbance, we were supposed to tell you about one of our first pranks here at Hogwarts. But since one of us has an ego with the size of a troll-  
S: What?  
R: we didn't get to tell you about it, because we are running out of time.

J: Seriously Moony-  
S: HEHEHE! Siriusly...  
R: ...  
J: Let me finish Padfoot! I'm actually standing up for you here!  
S, P, &R: You are?

J: What was I saying? Right! I think that Padfoot was a better host than you Moony. No offence but you were kind of... boring...  
S: Prongs! My best friend in the entire world!  
R: We can't let him host the show! We'll never get to tell about a single prank...

J: Come on Moony! He's not that bad. I mean, he's not as good as me, but I don't want to be the host.  
S: Yeah Moony-, wait what?  
P: Ehrm, you guys?  
R: He'll ruin the show!  
J: Now, that's taking it a little bit too far Moony...  
S: Yeah Moony!  
P: Guys?  
R: What is it Peter!  
J&S: Yeah Wormtail, what is it!  
P: Eh, w-why don't we p-put it to a vote?

S, J &R: …  
R: Peter, that is genius.  
J: Wormtail! You tiny, ugly, genius!  
S: I could have figured that out too...  
R: Oh shut up Padfoot.

J: It's decided then. We put it to a vote! Everyone who wants Sirius as our host, say aye!  
J, S & P: AYE!  
J: Padfoot, you won!  
R: …

S: Haha Moony! In your face! Hahaha!  
R: You want this to host our show?  
P: I'm not so sure...

R: Well, screw it. Let him lead! He wants to, so why not.  
S: You finally got to your senses Moony!

R: But I'm warning you. This will only boost his ego even more.  
J: Oh shit. I didn't think of that...  
S: Quiet Prongs! You are supposed to support me!  
J: Sorry Padfoot, but I'm all out of, ehrm, supportingness!  
R: That's not even a word Prongs...  
J: It is now!  
P: Could we just move on now?  
S: How come Wormtail is the one who comes up with the brightest ideas today? Has the world turned inside out or something?  
R: The term is "upside down" Padfoot...  
J: Yeah Pads! Wait, is it?  
R: Let's just continue the show!  
S: Ehrm, yeah. Lets move on! This is your, now official, host, the King of Pranks-

J: Oy! You can be the host, but you are NOT the King of Pranks!  
S: I am! And you supported me being the King of Pranks just a minute ago!  
J: I just didn't want Wormtail to take my rightful seat as your best friend!

S: That's very hypocritical of you Prongsie...  
R: Learned a new word have we, Padfoot? Do you even know what it means?  
S: Of course I do! I didn't use it in the wrong context did I?  
J: Yeah you did! Hahaha! Didn't he?  
R: By Merlin, no you used it right Padfoot...

S: Yes! Burned you Prongs!  
J: Bloody hell!  
P: Can we decide if Sirius' going to have the title "King of Pranks" now?  
J: What is up with you today Wormtail? You make so much sense. Are you sick? We better take him to Madame Pomfrey!  
S: Seconded! Prongs, grab his arms! I'll take his legs!  
J: One, two, THREE!  
P: Aaagh!  
R: Sirius! James! Put him down!  
J & S: But he needs to go to Madame Pomfrey!  
R: Put Peter down! Now!  
J & S: Oh, all right then...

P: T-th-thanks Remus.  
J: You didn't have to get so angry Moony... It seriously hurt out feelings you know...

S: Hehehe! Siriusly hurt our feelings. Hehehe!

J: Im growing tired of that joke Pads! I almost said "I'm seriously growing tired of that joke Sirius". Hehehe!

S: Hahaha!

R: Lets just finish this! We'll-  
S: So aggressive...  
R: -put it to a vote. All those in favour of Sirius NOT being the King of Pranks, say aye!  
J, P, & R: AYE!  
S: God damn democracy...  
R: Hah! Serves you right!

J: Wow, well done guys! Now we're out of time...

S: What? But I didn't even get to make fun of Moonys failure when we attempted to prank McGonagall for the first time!  
R: That was all your fault!  
S: No it wasn't! Hehehe.

J: Just let it go Moony...  
R: Since our so called host-  
S: I AM your host!  
R: -doesn't seem capable to end this first show, I'll do it. Thank you for listening to the first Great Broadcastings of Pranks and Enjoyable Ways of Disturbance, and please join us next week. Then you'll, hopefully, get to hear about our first prank here at Hogwarts.

J: I still think you're kind of boring Moony...

S: Yeah Moony!

R: Bloody hell! Just say good bye already!

S & J: Fine...

S, J, R, & P: Good bye!

**A/N2: Seems like a rather troubling start for our beloved Maruders' radio show. Beloved in a total manly way though... In the next chapter, I'll tell you of their first prank at Hogwarts, and MAYBE, just MAYBE, about how Remus/Sirius screwed up their first prank at McGonagall.  
I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for all your reviews and/or comments! Please don't slaughter my first attempt at this, but be honest c:! If it's hard to do both... LIE ! Anyway, since Ane probably would kill me if I stopped writing now, I'll try to publish another chapter ASAP!  
Sincerely  
PJ**


	2. Chapter 2: The first prank

**I am terribly sorry for the long wait! I have tried to post this chapter since last saturday, but there was something wrong so it didn't work out... **

**It is here now though, so ENJOY!**

Chapter 2:

*Static

S: We are back Hogwarts, with another Great Broadcasting of Pranks and Enjoyful Ways of Disturbance!  
J: Shouldn't we shorten that name Pads?  
R: I agree. The name's way too long for a radio show.

S: What? We all agreed on that name! After all, it was my brilliant idea for a name when we first thought of starting this show!

J: Honestly Pads, we only agreed on that name because you said that you'd throw yourself out from the Astronomy Tower if we didn't...

R: Yeah and that was after you had threatened us with the Imperius curse...

P: That was really scary Padfoot...

S: Lies! I would never do such a thing! Hehehe, you should have seen your face Wormtail!

J: That was hilarious!

R: Oh shut it Prongs! You were just as pale as Wormtail!

S: Pale as Wormtail? HAHAHA! I love your unintentional rhymes Moony!

R: Just shut up, Padfoot!

J: Oy! The only reason I was so "pale" was you put it, was because I wouldn't stand loosing Pads!

S: Aw, Prongsie!

J: But it would be fun to see how many times you could change from your human form to your anim-

R: Shhh! James, we're on the air remember? All of Hogwarts can hear us!

J: Oooh! Right...

S: yeah Prongsie! You almost spoiled our big secret, about us being ani-

P & R: Shhh!

J: Hah! Now you almost did it Pads!

R: Lets just get to todays agenda!

S: Agenda? Moony, even you should think that the phrase "todays agenda" is too geeky. Even for you...

R: It's not that bad

J: I'm sorry Moony, but... It IS that bad...

P: It is pretty geeky...

R: Really?

J: Moony, even Wormtail think that it's too geeky...

S: Just... stop using it Moony... For your fellow Marauders sake...

R: Oh shut up Padfoot!

P: Please stop using it?  
R: Fine! Lets just, ehrm, move on then!

S: Yes! Let us move on, my dearest friends, let us move on!

J: Pads, you sound like professor Binns...

R: He does, doesn't he?

S: Shut it my dear Prongsie!

J: Still getting professor Binns vibes here Pads

S: …

R: Could you get to the point Sirius?  
S: Of course! Now, our first prank at Hogwarts. Memories, memories...

J: It was quite a good prank! I mean, we were just first graders!

R: It wasn't too kind towards our herbology teacher though...

P: It was kind of fun.

J: You were scared out of your wits Wormtail. And all we did was to throw a couple of garden gnomes into some of the green houses...

R: You mean you and Padfoot threw garden gnomes into the green houses!  
J: You were with us! You helped us plan it too!  
R: Yes, but you wasn't supposed to throw them into the green houses that contained the Mandrake saplings!  
S: Hehehe! Almost half second grade passed out when they arrived for class that day!  
J: Hahaha! It was hilarious how all the Slytherins passed out screaming like the twats they were!  
P: It was kind of fun.  
S: Wormtail, you didn't dare to laugh before we were back in the common room...  
R: Well, Wormtail, you weren't exactly the bravest...  
J: Yeah, even Moony threw some gnomes...  
R: Oy!  
S: But you did throw some Moony...

R: Only one or two...  
J: Hahaha!  
P: Why can't we tell them about our prank in third year?  
S, J & R: Which one?  
P: The one with the boggart and Slughorn

J: Hah! That was my idea!  
S: Was not Prongs! As far as I recall, it was MY idea!

R: By Merlin...

J: No way Pads! I thought of it the second our class in Defence against the Dark Arts where over that same day!  
S: I did that!  
R: But it was Peter who suggested it...  
S & J: What?  
R: Peter was the one with the idea. He told me in the common room, right after class.  
J: But... Where were I?  
S: More importantly, where were I?  
R: You were off at Quidditch training, Prongs. Don't know about you though Padfoot. Probably snogging some girl in a broom cupboard...

J: Oh right! I remember now. I think that's the day when Charlie Mumb got hit in the nuts with a bludger! Hahaha! The expression he had when we told him that we had to let Madame Pomfrey look at it was utterly hilarious! HAHAHA!  
S: Hahaha! By Merlins beard, my stomach hurts too much, HAHAHA!  
J: HAHAHA!  
R: *Sigh *  
P: You are so mean sometimes Prongs...  
S: Stop being such a buzzkill Wormtail!  
J: Yeah Wormtail!  
P: S-sorry!  
R: I'm kind of surprised. Both of you actually managed to admit that it was all Wormtails idea.

S: Oy! I didn't admit anything yet! Except for adultery... Hehehe!

R: Admit and commit are two completely different things Padfoot...

S: Oh, right...  
J: HAHAHA!  
P: Can't we tell the listeners about the prank now?  
R: Sorry Wormtail, we're out of time.

J: Really? Aw, thats too early.

R: It's because you and that hyena over there have been wasting our time with you're stupid jokes and stories again! Morons!  
S: Moony the moron! Hahahaha!  
J: Oh God, Pads, you're killing me HAHAHA!  
R: Shut up and say goodbye!  
R & P: Goodbye!  
J & S: Good-hahahahah-bye, HAHAHAHA! S-see you next week, HAHAHA!

*Static *


	3. The boggart and the beast

Chapter 3:

The Boggart and the Beast

*Static *

S: Welcome, oh dearest friends and listeners, to another Great Broadcasting of Pranks and Enjoyable Ways of Disturbance!

J: Again with the name. Didn't we already decide on another one?

R: You know we never did really. But even so, todays show is about the boggart we put in Slughorns dressing cabinet.

S: What wonderful memories.  
J: It wasn't that wonderful really. I had a traumatic experience while we tried to get the boggart.

R: Hm, I remember something about Padfoot roaring with laughter and Prongs shrieking in suffering...  
J: It was more than just suffering... It was agony. Pain beyond imagination.  
S: It was hilarious was it!

P: I can't remember this...  
S: Sorry Wormy, but back then we had to get under the invisibility cloak to get the boggart from the Defence against the Dark Arts office, and there's only room for three at a time you know.

J: I can't describe how happy I am with you not being there Wormtail. You would've seen some awful things...  
S: Hilarious things!  
P: But, what happened?  
J: ...  
R: Hehe, it is kind of funny... Well what happened was that-  
J: LALALA let's talk about something else!  
S: Hehehe! We had to carry the chest with the boggart, and I might have, by pure accident, dropped the chest in front of Prongs. Hehehe!  
J: I thought my world was going to end...  
R: Haha! The expression on your face was priceless Prongs.  
S: Out of the chest jumps none other than Lily Evans WITH HER DAD RIGHT BEHIND HER!

J: Please stop it! The horror... THE HORROR!

S: Evans shrieks to her father that this is the boy who have been making googly eyes at her and harassed her for two years!  
R: Haha, Prongs you looked like a boiled lobster!  
S: Evans father starts yelling at Prongs all «You won't ever lay eyes on my daughter, you horny teenager! Get away with those hairy palms of yours!»  
P: Hahaha!  
J: Please Pads, I beg you to stop...  
R: Hehe... Maybe that's enough Sirius.  
S: And the boggart version of Evans puts up a «Take that you bastard, you better stop looking at me!» expression!  
R: Padfoot, I think that's enough...  
S: Not only that but she starts to-

J: PADFOOT! THAT'S IT! LEVICORPUS!  
R: JAMES!  
P: By Merlin...!  
S: Holy shi- ! OY! JAMES! Put me the hell down!  
J: Aha! Not until I've told Hogwarts about when you snogged Millie «Underlip» Fasta!  
S: No... No you promised not to tell!  
J: And so did you dearest Padfoot...  
R: Expelliarmus!  
*Wham! *  
J: Owwie owwie ow! Damn it Moony, I was just joking around... No need to get so violent.  
P: Ha... Haha...  
S: Yeah Moony, couldn't you have let me down a little less painful?  
R: You deserved what you got! Both of you!  
J: Pfff, yeah right!  
S: You're stupid Moony!  
R: So now you're best friends again, eh? And I'm the stupid one?  
J: We were never NOT best friends... You should start to pay more attention Moony...  
S: Yeah! Seriously... Hehe!  
R: Please don't start with that again... I'm willing to forget what has happened if you just don't start with the «Sirius/Siriusly» jokes.  
J: Fine we won't start. I'm serious.  
P: No he is.  
S & J: HEHEHE! Good one Wormtail!  
R: Then I mean you too Wormtail!  
P: S-sorry Moony...  
R: Fine. Let's just start with how we planned the prank and how it played out...  
S: That's a reasonably good idea, Moony!  
J: Oh hello Professor Binns! When did you arrive?  
S: Shut it Prongs!  
R: The plan was to sneak out the boggart during night and place it in Slughorns private cabinet. The first part was rather easy, as we had Prongs' invisibility cloak with us! We managed to take the chest and-  
S: With some minor problems  
R: Get it to Slughorns room.  
J: You know, when I think about it, I'm quite amazed that none of the teachers heard us while we had the... Minor problems...  
S: Yeah me too! You'd think that at least one of them would have come running to the sobs of James Potter and Evans fathers shouts!  
J: I did not cry!  
S: Fine you didn't...  
R: Anyway, the tricky part was getting the boggart into the closet without Slughorn hearing, or noticing us!  
P: I never got how you did it...  
S: It was quite simple really! Alohomora the door and-

R: As far as I remember I was the one who opened the door... You wanted to blast your way through it...  
S: Reducto is such a fun spell to use!  
J: It is isn't it? Stuff just being blasted to nothing!  
P: Hehe!  
S: The room was the hardest part of all! How to get past it without waking up Slughorn? We pondered this-  
J: Which basically means that Moony figured it out  
S: And figured that a silencing charm on ourselves would be the best choice!  
J: Hehe! You managed to burn off the toes on your shoes when trying to do it!  
R: Haha! I had to do it for you Padfoot.  
S: Shut it you two! Charms were never my best subject!  
R: In the end we managed to put the boggart in the closet, and take the chest back to the Defence Against the Dark Arts office.  
J: Next morning-  
S: Very EARLY morning...  
J: We flew up on our brooms, that would be me, Pads and Moony flew up, while Wormtail sat clinging to my back behind me... His private quarters are actually on the fourth floor...  
P: I don't like flying...  
S: WHAT, REALLY? I have never noticed!  
R: The look on Slughorns face when an entire heap of people poured out of his closet was hilarious! They were all pretty famous witches and wizards though.  
S: They all said the same: I quit the Slug Club!  
J: It was nothing but hysterical! He whined and screamed and begged for them to stay! I almost fell off my broom!

S: It wasn't that fun when McGonnagal came bursting into the room and killed the boggart with just a flick of her wand...  
J: Not so funny when she saw us outside the window either... She actually pulled us in with magic!  
P: It was so scary...  
R: Hehe, she didn't get me though! I got away!  
S: You left us did you! Just when you saw her coming in you fled as the coward you are!  
R: Oy, I'm a gryffindor too you know... I don't care anyway. But I must admit that it was quite much fun to hear her reprimand you!  
S: What? You heard that? How?  
R: Who said I left entirely? I just zoomed away, then came back and hovered underneath the window for a while. I can vaguely remember a certain Padfoot begging for merc-  
S: And that's all we have time for Hogwarts! Tune in next week for an all new Great Broadcasting of Pranks and Enjoyable Ways of Disturbance!  
R: -lying on the floor pleading for her not to throw hi-

P: Bye!  
J: HAHAHA BYE!  
S: SHUT IT MOONY, OR I'LL...!

*Static *


End file.
